I struggled to grasp the difference between these two concepts for a long time. The line between surrender and complacency can feel razor-thin. How could I surrender to my life as it was when all I wanted was for my life to be completely different?
I used to think that surrendering meant giving up—accepting that unhappiness in my career, relationships, lifestyle, finances, or environment was just how things were meant to be. I thought that if I surrendered, I was saying there was no way to fix anything.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
What is the difference between surrender and complacency?
Surrender means ceasing resistance to what is inevitable, accepting what exists in this exact moment. Complacency, on the other hand, is no longer striving for growth or change because "it is what it is."
Surrender: accepting what is in the moment while making conscious steps to move forward.
Surrender says, "This is what’s happening right now. I accept it, and I accept that I cannot change this exact moment. But moving forward, I have opportunities to make choices that align with the future I desire."
Complacency: accepting life as it is, but holding onto the belief that there is no option to change. It often stems from laziness, feelings of defeat, anger, or fear of stepping outside your comfort zone. Sometimes, you don't think you deserve better, or you're simply scared of leaving your comfort zone (PS. outside of your comfort zone is where you truly experience life).
Complacency says, "It is what it is. This is how my life has always been, and will always be. I accept that nothing will change, and I'm meant to stay here —unchanged and unchallenged."
But here's the problem with complacency—it keeps you stuck. When you convince yourself that change is impossible, you close the door to growth. You remain trapped in the same painful patterns, feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from the life you desire. This mindset creates stagnation, preventing you from seeing the opportunities available to you. The longer you stay in complacency, the heavier that feeling of "stuckness" becomes, and the more distant your dreams feel.
This is where surrender comes in.
While complacency stokes anger and sadness because it focuses solely on the external world, surrender brings peace. This is because surrender is an internal mindset shift. When you surrender, you free yourself from the painful spirals your mind creates whereas complacency allows those negative spirals to pull you deeper into negativity and inaction.
Surrender is the key to unlocking the flow of life again. Surrendering and accepting what is is actually the fast track to moving forward. The overwhelming sense of peace that comes along with surrender gives you space and a clear mind to determine what the next right step is for you.
Just because something isn't going the way you planned doesn't mean it isn’t right. Life becomes lighter when you understand that everything you go through is part of your soul's journey. It’s all meant to happen (the big and the small). Your soul chose these experiences before you incarnated to help you learn and grow.
This doesn’t mean you have to like what’s happening or feel happy about it. But you can approach it with neutrality. No matter how much it hurts, there is a purpose behind it—growth, redirection, and, eventually, positive change. Amazing things can come from the most painful experiences.
You just have to surrender.
When you surrender, you don’t stop dreaming, striving, or desiring more for yourself, you simply trust that the journey—even with its detours—will inevitably take you where you are destined to go. You also simply trust that you have choice. You get to choose to take steps towards what you desire, you get to choose to take leaps of faith, and you get to choose to speak your truth.
(To throw a curve ball into this, "going with the flow" can be mistaken for surrender, but it is just as detrimental as complacency. "Going with the flow" is usually a sign of people pleasing. It's another way of relinquishing personal growth and autonomy out of fear. When you go with the flow you're not making conscious decisions for your benefit, growth, and happiness, you're usually doing it so you can keep everyone around you happy. You're consciously not making waves, or saying/doing something that you think someone else might reject you for. Article on People Pleasing coming right up!)
Surrender Because Rejecting the Present Is Causing You To Suffer
Suffering is a result of doing the opposite of surrendering and, instead, rejecting the present. Let me show you what I mean by rejecting the present and spiralling in pain:
- Someone breaks up with you, and you try to control the situation in your mind. You reject the reality. You tell yourself it doesn’t make sense, or that you’ll get back together. You stay hung up for months replaying scenarios in your head.
- Someone passes away, and you can’t make sense of it. You keep trying to force it to fit into the plan you had for your life, spiralling with regrets and memories of things unsaid or undone.
- You’ve planned your wedding down to the second, but on the day, things don’t go as expected. People show up late, your hair doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, dinner is delayed—and you feel like your whole day is ruined. You can’t accept that you don’t have control over people, events, or outcomes, and this rejection ruins the joy of the moment.
In moments like these, the rejection of the present takes over, you spiral because you resist the reality, all while trying to control the uncontrollable. The rejection of what is keeps us stuck in a loop of pain, and that pain can last hours, days, months, or even years. When you surrender and accept what’s happening in the moment, the suffering disappears.
Trusting the journey and release control over the things you cannot change. This way you can make space for growth, opportunity, and transformation.
Remember, you don't have control over the external, you never have and you never will. But you do have control over your internal world and that is the most important thing to reconnect with in order to see changes in your life.
You don’t know where your life will lead or what challenges or blessings await you, but what you do know is that you’ve survived every unexpected twist so far. You’ve endured the things you thought would break you, and you've grown from them. Your awareness, knowledge, and strength have all deepened with each experience.
So instead of resisting the present, embrace it. Stop fighting against the current of your life, and surrender to it. Life becomes more manageable, and more beautiful, when you understand that what’s happening right now isn’t an obstacle; it’s a part of the process. Trust your soul’s plan, even when your mind can’t make sense of it.
In this way, you’ll find the balance between accepting where you are now and actively moving toward where you’re meant to be. Every step, every choice, no matter how small, is leading you forward. Trust that.