As we discussed in the article "You Are Good Enough", there are 3 steps to embracing the belief that you are good enough. The first one, and biggest one, is finding out who you really are – embodying your authentic self.
Embodying your authentic self isn't just a path to self-discovery; it's the key to living a life aligned with your deepest values and true desires. It's about breaking free from societal molds and embracing the freedom to be who you truly are.
But what is your authentic self?
The authentic self is also called your true self, your essence, or your core self.
Simply put, your authentic self means you're true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of any pressure to act otherwise.
It's the self you were created to be.
While your authentic self is the truest expression of who you are, the Ego represents the false self that has been shaped by external pressures and expectations. It’s a protective mechanism, helping you navigate social expectations and avoid pain or rejection. Yet, what once protected you may now be the very thing that keeps you stuck.
We all subconsciously act in our ego-self for acceptance. Since childhood your parents, teachers, friends, partners, media, coaches, etc., have all slowly created you by affirming choices and actions they like and disapproving, embarrassing, hurting, or even scaring you when your words, actions or choices are not what they think is correct. Your ego has slowly built up walls and created this box around you that you've been stuck in your whole life. Your authentic self is on the other side of those walls.
How you do find your authentic self?
Dig.
Deep.
Finding your authentic self requires smashing those walls and digging through the layers of bullshit until you find that there is nothing left that you are hiding. Your self-awareness needs to grow and you finally need to accept all sides of you – thoughts, emotions, beliefs, wants, needs, wishes, and desires.
It requires healing from your past embarrassments, heartache, pain, and fear.
And I'll let you in on a secret – these moments are likely to be small, something you may overlook right now. You may find yourself thinking, 'But nothing really happened to me,' and that's okay. But it's time to wake up to these small moments, the ones that might seem insignificant but have shaped your perception of yourself. I promise, you're not alone in this; we all carry these wounds, even if we're unconscious of them right now.
TOOLS: Journaling (dive into your past hurt & embarrassment), questioning your actions and words (check in on yourself to see if you're people pleasing or if the decision is aligned with you), and inner child meditations (Insight Timer has some great ones for free).
You Know Yourself Less Than You Think You Do
I always thought I was truly someone who was very true to themselves – until I realized I had no idea who I was, what I wanted to experience in life, what I liked and did not like, what I did for the sake of others instead of me, the persona I created to make myself seem "cool". It still blows my mind to this day that I was so blatantly unaware that the me I was, was not me. It was a 'me' I created to people please.
So I want you to ask yourself these questions:
- If you were alone in a foreign country, no one knew you, no one would judge you, and you had free time for a whole year. What activities would you try? What would you be drawn to? Follow your intuition on this and make a list.
- Think back to your childhood, what activities brought you a ton of happiness? For example, rollerblading, building sandcastles, catching tadpoles in the river, climbing trees, gymnastics, magic tricks, playing in puddles and dancing in the rain. Anything! Write it down.
- Time to admit to yourself, what are things that you do right now, that you don't actually love doing (maybe even hate) but you do it because of how it looks on social, or because your friends do it and you don't want to be left out (FOMO people, I see you). Write it down.
- Do you find yourself holding back in conversation or in taking opportunities? You could find yourself in a conversation where something is mentioned that you don't understand but instead of asking you stay silent. Or you could find yourself being given opportunities to try something new, which sound really fun, but you get anxious about it in the moment, say no, but then regretting it afterwards? Write down examples of both. You can keep an eye on this over the next 7 days and then write them down.
- What parts of your life feel like they're on autopilot? Are there situations where you often find yourself saying 'yes' when you really want to say 'no'?
Now look at the list of things you are drawn to, that interest you, that you are not doing.
Look at the activities that get you excited, that you are not doing.
Look at the list of things that you do because others enjoy them, not because you enjoy them.
Look at the times that you have held back your voice.
Look at the times you have held yourself back due to fear of embarrassment.
This is not you.
How do you know when you're embodying your authentic-self?
The opinions of others will not matter.
You will be at peace because you know who you are, what you like and do not like, what you will and will not tolerate, and you will take action on things that excite you and spark your soul. You won't be afraid to dance in public, be goofy, speak your truth, ask questions upon questions upon questions until you feel satiated. You won't feel so curated, robotic, and stuck. You'll be free to be you, and enjoy the opportunities of life to their fullest.
Remember, this journey to authenticity is not a sprint but a marathon. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you peel back the layers. Celebrate the small victories along the way.
As you begin this journey, know that every step you take towards your authentic self is a step towards living a life that truly belongs to you. Embrace the process, trust your inner wisdom, and give yourself permission to shine in ways you never imagined. You have the power to uncover the real you – and the world is waiting to meet you.
Embodying your authentic self is not just about discovering who you are; it's about realizing that who you are is already enough.